depressed boyfriend broke up with me depressed boyfriend broke up with me

Everything started to go downhill starting January 2021. He broke up with me yesterday but wants to stay friends I saw him on Thursday and although he was already down, it went well. If your ex left you because of depression, you need to understand that hes not your ideal partner. Depressed Boyfriend broke up with me. Your partner did not choose to be in depression, remember that. Be your partner mentally healthy or not. Be Careful About Breaking Up When You're Depressed | by Karen Nimmo | On The Couch | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. He could be so selfish and inconsiderate to the point that he did hurt me with his actions, but I always put it down to his own trauma. If he doesnt get well and improve his perception of you, youll move on and find happiness without him. Depression Depressed boyfriend broke up with me Follow Posted 4 years ago, 4 . Besides getting professional help, as a partner and more than that as a friend, you should be supportive and kind to him. In theory, once your ex feels better, he should once turn into his normal self. 791. 2023 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Coming here and reading this article and all these comments, somehow makes me feel better. This whole time I thought we were endgame so I am devastated and was so blind sighted. Healthy dumpers tend to make excuses, blame their ex, or just explain why things happened the way they did. The first thing is people become dishonest. Its different from the rest because its tricky to understand and hard to respond to. Contrary to happy, mature couples, selfish boyfriends tend to do whats best for them. Often, one partner may get so depressed he stops working, and that can lead to a cascade of other problems.. She may think of herself as a burden and would want you to be free. If you try to show him you care about him, hell feel disrespected like any other dumper and want even more space and distance. He needs to know hes not that person anymore and that you know your worth. Im going through the same thing. Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-3-0'); As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didnt care for them enough. Very helpful is also storiedmind.com. I am so torn right nowalthough we have only been together for a short time (four months), what we had was real. In which you can speak about your thoughts and feelings without being judged. It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. Im so confused and hurt and dont know what to do. I realised this was recent I experienced the same just a couple of weeks after you and knew exactly how you felt. I am in no contact, its been 2 weeks. This will make you feel connected and loved, as it will also give you a space to talk about your feelings and be supported. Its not your fault I promise its me. Everything seemed perfect, we had a beautiful, mature relationship for 2 years. So lets discuss what are ways to cope with a breakup. They no more experience any feelings and emotions, nor do they realize how important you are in his life. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. But leaving a person when he or she is going through something as difficult as depression is a mystery beyond my comprehension. Hes incapable of receiving it and doing anything with it because your presence alone reminds him of the past and drains his limited energy. He is going to therapy. And guilt wont help him feel closer to you. Hell message you if he changes his mind. Over the phone, he broke up with me. Other brain areas involved are the striatum ( responsible for reward system) and the insula (consciousness and self-awareness). Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Fear of getting hurt: Sometimes, depression is so difficult to deal with anything else feels too scary. It means that he needs to work on improving his coping mechanism and staying in love even if you dont always reach his expectations. There's a book about male depression that's quite good - "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terence Real. You need to. I was sad for him and sad for us. They want him to act a certain way even though hes dealing with a lot of problems at the same time and cant act the way they want him to act. Thanks for your question. By distancing himself from you, he can stop worrying about your wants and needs and focus only on his. and would complain about everything in his life. Eckard Tolle, best known as the author of The Power of Now says; Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. I know thats what your emotions are telling you to do, but its not right. If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write it in the section below. She said she still has a lot of love for me, and care for me more than anyone else she knows, and that she still want me in her life, she wants to be there for me, and she wants me to be there for her, as we were best friends before being boyfriend/girlfriend. It crushed me because I love him still and wanted to make things work. This can happen if they dealt with what was going in with them, and still have feelings for you. I know, for a fact, he suffers from a depression. Treat your partner with love, show him hope and remind yourself about his condition as an illness and that he does not have control over it. I told her and made her find help and counseling, and so she went into a therapy that her college offer since March 1st, she was really looking forward to it, but it was for like 5 sessions and she told me it wasnt helpful to her, because it wasnt really psychologists who can prescribe medications. 1 Feb 20, 2017 #1 My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. Try to have a routine that will take care of both your emotional and mental health needs. If he thinks he needs some space and time to be left alone, offer that to him. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. Sorry for the long message! I spoke about this to his psychiatrist as well as his parents. It is not even them. And thats what he does because running away lifts the burden of too many responsibilities and provides him with a sense of relief. That way, youll exude high levels of self-control and show him that you understand what hes going through and that you truly care about him. Also, were 24 so were at that weird age where we are trying to figure out jobs and money and trying to move into apartments with our friends. Thank you Zan it helped me to see why he did not try to have a talk to get through issues first. They dont like talking about them because thats how theyve developed themselves. Advised his mum to take him to therapy too! So treat his depressed state as any other breakup and take the usual post-breakup actions. I want him back, but I also dont want to throw anymore good time after bad. You should take him to a professional who will be able to dig into the root causes behind his problems. hello, im going through something similar. And thats what it does. You have a lot to think about but there are resources and I wish you all the best as you try to figure this out. It can change their behavior, how they see the world, and relate to people. We almost broke up in July but decided to try to work on things. I met him online and things moved pretty fast, he was very loving and always calling me and texting me. If your ex-boyfriend has a history of depression or his family members have suffered from depression before, you must consider his depression a serious matter. For now, give him the space he needs and focus on yourself. She was alone in a city, with no family, no friends, no roomates, with no boyfriend close to her due to covid. For the past 7 years, I have had the smallest flickering of emotions, what I feel on a daily basis is practically nil. I wish I can give you a hug because we all need it. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. To me, it feels like everything accelerated so fast and I dont understand where his feelings went. I know that depressed people tend to push others away but I feel awful for leaving him in such a state. This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. Another thing that will help you cope is finding new hobbies and activities. I understand why the break up happened because he has too many things to deal with. Manage Settings If you feel your husbands depression is no more tolerable and divorce is the only option available, do not leave them untreated in the mid-way. We are going to look for counseling and a proper therapy with proper psychologists that can give her proper help and medications, and after that ill let her be and give her the space and time she needs, while still being there for her at any time and whenever she needs me. I was going to move there definitely with her, after we both finish our studies. While hes doing that, its best that you stay away from him and give him the space he needs. Instead of learning more about depression and the way it can destroy commitment in the relationship, he acted on his negative feelings and pushed you away. Genetic inheritance may be a cause behind your partners depression which he has not got any control over. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-1','ezslot_18',118,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-1-0'); Through that, you both will learn the best ways to help and communicate with each other. He said its been very difficult with his anxiety and depression and feels like he needs to talk to a therapist. You just know that relationship issues are making things worse and that you want to feel understood rather than ignored and annoyed. I desperately wish he had gotten help or spoken to me before he decided our relationship was too much work but I also am so angry because it feels like he didnt fight for us in any kind of way. After the breakup he still asked if I was ok and I started opening up on my issues and told him I was also guilty of bottling up issues, was not in the right space to handle his sons situation better and isolated myself and slowly becoming a weight on him. If He Loves You, He Will Come Back No Matter What! Lately he's been starting to feel depressed again and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me saying he needs some time to work on himself. I also found out that he had stopped medication prior to the breakup because he felt like they werent working as he has started getting suicidal thoughts again (he has also written suicidal notes recently, however Im not sure if this is true or not). People may also start to avoid spending time with their partners. Tharu. The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain.. Always consult your doctor about your medical conditions. But he isnt doing that. He asked me not to go to his house. I dont give him any bother and I dont react. Let him take some time, give him some space. When he broke up with me, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now and that he needed to be alone to figure his head out. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. He was never abusive to me; just the opposite. I'm also glad you think you have great qualities such as being a hard working independent woman. My boyfriend of nearly 5 months just broke up with me, saying he was too messed up to be in a relationship. Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. Anyway, here is the story: Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. Hi Jeianne, Ive been going through this as well. As a matter of fact, its only gotten worse because now youre getting frustrated as well. Mature couples support each other no matter what emotional difficulties theyre going through. He told them "if it's not me, it's nobody else!" and sexually assaulted her with a pellet gun, records show . He told me he didnt treat me the way I should be treated and I dont deserve that because Im an amazing person. Fight the illness together. If you need assistance for mental health issues, please seek expert opinion and assistance immediately.The information on this page is not designed to replace a doctor or physician's independent judgment about the appropriateness or risks of a procedure for a given patient nor does it represent a diagnoses or advice. A condition in and of itself is not a reason to . This will let you know how aware they are of their condition, and how committed they are to getting better. You have no idea when (if ever) the pain will stop. You just accepted the end of the romantic relationship and stopped treating him as the most important person. My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. My emotions at present are like an R rated version of a Magic Eight Ball in the hands of an over-caffeinated child. Looks like we went through this horrible experience on the exact same day. A breakup caused by depression can be difficult to foresee and interpret. He has been diagnosed with Depression and Bi-Polar. If your ex-boyfriend decided to protect himself from getting hurt, you should too. He said he still loves me, but that it's not fair to me when he needs to be alone all the time. It has happened to me too. We hung out last week, and not much progress has been made. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? Theyre the people who have your best interests at heart and are more than happy to prove that by helping you when youre feeling down. I sent it before I read this article anyways. I kid you not, I felt like my entire world shattered. Ankylosing Spondylitis: Weve Got Your Back, Whats Next? If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time. Youre probably not doing much/anything wrong, but staying in his life forces him to focus on you rather than himself. When family abandons you: what to do next? She decided to break up because she doesnt want to keep being with me while she cant love me to the fullest, and hoping she wont keep feeling this way and wont hurt me while going through everything else that is going on in her stressful daily life. During our time together he wasn't really on medication, only when necessary. When he broke up with me he was so cold and distant, as if he were a completely different person. Advice on a break with . You should know: The answer above provides general health information that is not intended to replace medical advice or treatment recommendations from a qualified healthcare professional. After I got these thoughts out of my chest I knew I had to move on.I know I am doing all the right thing now I have exercised regularly; I have decided to get out of my bubble to get a job again to be involved with people/society; I have decided to refresh my wardrobe and look to feel good again about myself. I just dont know how to stop missing him and start to move on. We met randomly through a mobile game app, it was totally unexpected and never would have we thought that we could fall in love with someone that way and so far from each other. I would like to connect and talk about it maybe we could help each other, Im going through it right now. I know that he suffered with depression when he was a teenager, and with the stress of his new job he started to withdraw from activities and pastimes he once loved. His dad bullys and even choked him, constantly makes him feel like hes not enough. I can be free and spend more time on things that make me feel good.. How long did it take? She would be stuck in her bed sleeping all day long, waking up to study, work, eat, then sleep. He told me exactly this I cant do this anymore, Ive hit my lowest point. Distance yourself from him physically and leave him alone emotionally. I was not a perfect stepmother and it ruined his love. If anyone else dealt with this, what happened? When you try to understand and comprehend your partner, it is very important to be compassionate and gentle. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. This protective effect disappeared if an adoptive parent had major depression or if the adoptive home experienced parental death or divorce during childhood/adolescence. With them, you will build a great space of trust and support.